Marrying This World
Blogging has been an integral part of my life since 2009.
Oh girl, you've been blogging about infertility since then?
Fortunately, I can say no, because back then there was no us. It was just me, my dating misadventures, and the realization that my previous relationship was abusive. Through blogging about that relationship (while trying to find another one), I learned about domestic violence, about trauma therapy, and about how critically important it was - for me - to use my voice so I didn't feel silenced.
Without getting too in depth about what landed me on this new site, I will say the journey has been a long, hard one, but it's also been full of joy.
*Cue adorable pictures of me and my boo-thang.*
Aren't we a tattooed dream?
In truth, our journey together started in 6th grade (hello, 1990s). It was the first time we met, though we wouldn't care about that until almost two decades later.
On May 22, 2012 Joe wrote me on Facebook,
Lindsay! I had a dream about you. You yelled at me for how I filled out paperwork! Don't ask. Okay, bye!
His message was funny because I was a high school English teacher, so it was kinda on point. Plus, he and I hadn't talked in years. Like, since we graduated from high school in 2001 (go Hawks!). I laughed about it, and blew it off as a funny "You're anal retentive and everyone who sees your social media posts knows it" joke, and responded.
"If I had a dollar for every time a guy told me he had a dream about me..."
and Mr. Charming replied,
You could afford to take me to dinner.
From there, a mutual friend private messaged me claiming Joe and I must date and I told him to f*ck right off (you don't know me yet, but my mouth is dirty). Then said friend replied he couldn't f-off because he'd already told Joe I was interested.
Now, I wouldn't necessarily call the source of our connection a pity date, but there was definitely some guilt and forced obligation on my end (because I didn't want to be that jerk after unintentionally flirting online).
Crazy how life works, isn't it?
Anyway, we were married on Ka'anapali Beach in Maui, HI, on June 20th, 2014, because it was obvious from day one - yes, even on a guilted date - we were each other's lobsters.
Back then we started planning for pregnancy by trying to decide when/if I'd show at our wedding. If I stopped birth control right away and we started actively trying for a baby three months before the wedding, the worst thing that could happen was I'd be celebrating marrying the love of my life on a tropical island without a Mai Tai. It wouldn't exactly be a crisis.
And yet, here we are, at the end of 2016 without a baby. We are still the family we started as:
Of two human people (Joe and Lindsay Fischer, JF and LF for short) and three boy furbabies (Rocko, Frank, and Huckleberry).
We've hit roadblocks. Been diagnosed and planned for, and then told everything we knew and planned for wouldn't work. So here we are, staring down our second egg retrieval while I pour out my guts so others don't feel alone (and I don't feel alone either).
I probably won't get all of this right; I know infertility blogging can be BIG business, so if there's something you want me to add that I've missed, I'm happy to do it.
In truth, I have blogged a little bit about my journey on my domestic violence advocacy site and also on my fertility clinic's website, but I resisted creating my own page specific to infertility. I think I was hopeful I wouldn't have to be here this long, waiting for a baby after pulling the proverbial trigger on IVF, but now that we're here I've decided it's time to marry into this world and be completely transparent about our journey.
I'm just glad you're here with me.